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And We Are Ashes: Chapter 5, Part 3
Nov. 9th, 2007 12:15 amSuccess! Chapter Five is finished, as I thought/hoped. As usual, it's going to need some revision and padding, but the point is, DONE. And that means I can move onto "Faith" tomorrow. I've also come to the conclusion that, although the outline doesn't call for Mary to share certain information until "Nightmare", there's no way Sam's going to hold his cork for that long and Mary's going to be feeling a lot of guilt for getting Sam into this. So some of that information is going to have to come out in "Faith", though not all of it. I've also had some interesting thoughts about the denouement. I don't know if I can make them work in print, but it's certainly a lot more than I knew before.
19,204 / 50,000 words. 38% done!
Today's Word Count: 2,872
Current Total Word Count: 19,204
Estimated Total Word Count: ~100,000
What's bad: The last scene with Dean and YED. It's not working for me and I'm not sure why. I think it needs to be longer, for one thing, but I'm not sure how to stretch out torture without making it gratuitious. At the same time, I think it's too short right now to give proper impact. I also think I screwed up some with the inclusion of Emily at the end. I'm going to have to go back and revise the scene from yesterday in the storm cellar to move Zacharias around. I'm also not sure about the last part in the orchard. It seemed like this part would be much more urgent in the outline and I'm just not getting the proper sense of urgency and I don't know how to fix that either.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
baileytc and anyone else who's reading, if you have thoughts, I'd REALLY like to hear them! Please.
What's good: On the other hand, I do like how much more active Emily is here. Because she's now an extraneous female (because of Mary), she's no longer a damsel in a dress, she's a rescuer. I really like how her character has changed and strengthened for me. And I think that I actually changed the action around pretty well. I think the scenes need some tweaking, but I don't think I'll have to totally rewrite any of them and there's a definite flow to them. I also like how strong Sam is here. There's not enough kickass!Sam in the world and I like that he has to take the lead and be the knowledgable one.
What pleases me: "Emily, I want you to stay in the car." Sam reaches over the seat to rummage through his bag for the few weapons he brought with him.
"No way!" Emily declares staunchly. "I'm coming with you."
Sam bonks his head on the roof of the car as he settles back on his haunches to look at her. "Emily."
"Sam," she answers levelly.
"First of all, this could be dangerous. I don’t know how dangerous. And I've gotta worry about my mom. Secondly…" He sighs. "Emily, they're people you know."
Emily's face is pale, her eyes haunted. "You don't think I know that? God, it's all I've been able to think about since…since I found out." She hoists the gas can up from between her legs. "But I don't think I could live with myself if I just…sat by and let it happen. I'll be careful. But I'm going with you."
Previous parts can be found here
( Look, this is going to sound crazy, but they… They're going to kill her. Sacrifice her. )
Today's Word Count: 2,872
Current Total Word Count: 19,204
Estimated Total Word Count: ~100,000
What's bad: The last scene with Dean and YED. It's not working for me and I'm not sure why. I think it needs to be longer, for one thing, but I'm not sure how to stretch out torture without making it gratuitious. At the same time, I think it's too short right now to give proper impact. I also think I screwed up some with the inclusion of Emily at the end. I'm going to have to go back and revise the scene from yesterday in the storm cellar to move Zacharias around. I'm also not sure about the last part in the orchard. It seemed like this part would be much more urgent in the outline and I'm just not getting the proper sense of urgency and I don't know how to fix that either.
baileytc and anyone else who's reading, if you have thoughts, I'd REALLY like to hear them! Please.What's good: On the other hand, I do like how much more active Emily is here. Because she's now an extraneous female (because of Mary), she's no longer a damsel in a dress, she's a rescuer. I really like how her character has changed and strengthened for me. And I think that I actually changed the action around pretty well. I think the scenes need some tweaking, but I don't think I'll have to totally rewrite any of them and there's a definite flow to them. I also like how strong Sam is here. There's not enough kickass!Sam in the world and I like that he has to take the lead and be the knowledgable one.
What pleases me: "Emily, I want you to stay in the car." Sam reaches over the seat to rummage through his bag for the few weapons he brought with him.
"No way!" Emily declares staunchly. "I'm coming with you."
Sam bonks his head on the roof of the car as he settles back on his haunches to look at her. "Emily."
"Sam," she answers levelly.
"First of all, this could be dangerous. I don’t know how dangerous. And I've gotta worry about my mom. Secondly…" He sighs. "Emily, they're people you know."
Emily's face is pale, her eyes haunted. "You don't think I know that? God, it's all I've been able to think about since…since I found out." She hoists the gas can up from between her legs. "But I don't think I could live with myself if I just…sat by and let it happen. I'll be careful. But I'm going with you."
Previous parts can be found here
( Look, this is going to sound crazy, but they… They're going to kill her. Sacrifice her. )
