I blame Nilchance

Okay. See.... Now what I want is some kind of RPF AU where Jensen and Jared are still actors, but they're owned by the CW (corporate slavery) and Jeff ends up buying them as a set and he takes them overseas and he thinks that Jensen and Jared are too skinny and too tired, so he starts cooking for them and making them eat and take naps together all the time and they're kind of freaking out because their longevity on television depended on being fit and trim and conforming to a certain body type and they're afraid Jeff will fatten them up and then get tired of them because they're "out of shape" and they keep trying to exercise on the sly and Jeff's like *sternface* "Stop that! I made peach crisp and there's fresh vanilla ice cream in the kitchen."

*SIGHS* Why will no one write this for me?

And this one is Kali's fault

Sex pollen. Why do these things not write themselves?

( This is why Mona and I should not be allowed together. )