Lightverse Snippage
Oct. 31st, 2006 01:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thecatevariThe thing about Lena is that she's a horrible, heinous bitch a lot of the time, yes. But she's also the one that held Dean up after Sam left him. She gave him enough of a reason to go on that he eventually (more or less) could heal himself. And that shouldn't be undervalued. Certainly not by Dean.
"Look, you don't—" Dean breaks off, his jaw mulish as he scrapes his hand through his hair. "I don't have any illusions about Lena, what kind of woman she is. But…when I felt like lying down and dying because… Because. She's the one that picked me up again."
Sam is silent. She did. She did, because Sam was too busy and too self-absorbed and was the one who'd caused the damage in the first place. What can he say about that? Not a damned thing. He can't even tell Dean to leave her, because that's not his call to make. "Okay," he says instead. "I'm sorry."
And he means so much more than this, this little fracas that really doesn't mean much and they both know it; he's sorry for all of it. More sorry than he's ever been for anything, his whole life. Because it wasn't just his life. It was theirs. And he forgot that. Forgot how much every fucking thing he does influences Dean, affects Dean, wrecks Dean.
Sometimes it's smothering, having this much power. Having it and knowing you're a fumble fingered fuckhead and that it's only a matter of time. At least this time no one died. Not…really.
"Look, you don't—" Dean breaks off, his jaw mulish as he scrapes his hand through his hair. "I don't have any illusions about Lena, what kind of woman she is. But…when I felt like lying down and dying because… Because. She's the one that picked me up again."
Sam is silent. She did. She did, because Sam was too busy and too self-absorbed and was the one who'd caused the damage in the first place. What can he say about that? Not a damned thing. He can't even tell Dean to leave her, because that's not his call to make. "Okay," he says instead. "I'm sorry."
And he means so much more than this, this little fracas that really doesn't mean much and they both know it; he's sorry for all of it. More sorry than he's ever been for anything, his whole life. Because it wasn't just his life. It was theirs. And he forgot that. Forgot how much every fucking thing he does influences Dean, affects Dean, wrecks Dean.
Sometimes it's smothering, having this much power. Having it and knowing you're a fumble fingered fuckhead and that it's only a matter of time. At least this time no one died. Not…really.
