[personal profile] thecatevari
A timeline of ownership:


Birth-7yo = Free. He was seized by his mother's creditors for debt clearance.
7 yo = Sold to Tom Cruise.
10yo = Cruise starts fucking him.
12yo = Kidman starts fucking him.
14yo = He gets 'damaged' by the dogs and is sold to Val Kilmer.
15.5yo = Kilmer sells him to Timothy Hutton.
16yo = Hutton's fortunes fail and he has to liquidate assets. He sells him to Courteney Cox.
18yo = Cox gets married to D. Arquette, gives Jensen to him as a wedding present. A couple days later, Arquette loses Jensen to Q. Tarantino in a drunken poker game.
21yo = Tarantino trades Jensen to Ben Afflectk for 2 girl slaves, Rose and Uma.
22yo = Affleck marries Garner, who doesn't want him around. Affleck gives Jensen to Matt Damon.
25yo = Damon sells Jensen to Leonardo DiCaprio.
26yo = DiCaprio sells him to Crowe in return for certain trade favors.
28yo = Crowe goes into massive debt and Jensen is siezed as part of his assets. Jensen's sold in open auction to B. Crudup, his 11th owner.

Date: 2008-08-11 05:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mona1347.livejournal.com
Tarantino trades Jensen to Ben Afflectk for 2 girl slaves, Rose and Uma.

*falls out of chair laughing* I don't know why I find this so hilarious. BUT I DO.

Date: 2008-08-11 07:59 pm (UTC)
poisontaster: Screencap of Moana, leaning into the wind (Default)
From: [personal profile] poisontaster
LOL. I know, right? This 'verse is such crack.

Date: 2008-08-11 07:13 pm (UTC)
brynwulf: darklydean (Default)
From: [personal profile] brynwulf
So, I recognize all the names except for Crudup. Who is that? Should I know? And why was Crudup selling Jensen? Oh yeah, he wasn't was he?

Date: 2008-08-11 07:58 pm (UTC)
poisontaster: Screencap of Moana, leaning into the wind (Default)
From: [personal profile] poisontaster
Billy Crudup is another actor. He's going to be in Watchmen with JDM. He used to be married to Mary-Louise Parker and left her when she was 8 months pregnant for Claire Danes. He isn't in a lot of real high-budget pictures or anything; he's got all this indie cred. He was in Inventing the Abbotts. He played Joaquin Phoenix's older brother.

Date: 2008-08-12 02:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kultiras.livejournal.com
And possibly even more importantly than all of that, he filmed Watchmen with JDM while JDM and MLP were engaged. =D

Date: 2008-08-11 09:24 pm (UTC)
meredevachon: (Default)
From: [personal profile] meredevachon
I always remember him as the grown up Tommy Donnelly from Sleepers. By that I mean, Jonathan Tucker (Tommy Donnelly on The Black Donnellys) played 12 y/o Tommy Marcano in Sleepers, and Crudup played the adult Marcano.

Date: 2008-08-11 09:22 pm (UTC)
meredevachon: (always all right)
From: [personal profile] meredevachon
No wonder he is the way he is. And what a contrast to what we just learned about Jared.

Affleck marries Garner, who doesn't want him around. Affleck gives Jensen to Matt Damon. This I love. ;)

Date: 2008-08-13 05:37 am (UTC)
poisontaster: Screencap of Moana, leaning into the wind (Default)
From: [personal profile] poisontaster
Yeah. That was the point I realized I need to clarify his ownership for myself. I don't know about Christian Bale. I think I need to figure out someone else for that, but I don't know who.

Date: 2008-08-12 02:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kultiras.livejournal.com
This is so ouchy for Jensen, even though I'm amused by the order of ownership…

Date: 2008-08-13 05:36 am (UTC)
poisontaster: Screencap of Moana, leaning into the wind (Default)
From: [personal profile] poisontaster
I'm thinking about swapping out Christian Bale for someone else. I was trying to think about who would've been relatively big when. Which is why Tom Cruise gets to be a Lord. He's been pretty A-list for a really long time. Whereas Russell Crowe is really only big NOW. Or Jennifer Garner was really huge when Alias was around, but now, she's not such hot property. Etc.

Date: 2008-08-13 04:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kultiras.livejournal.com
Hmmm… Well why does Christian Bale sell him to Jennifer Garner? If it's because of finances it might be easier to choose someone who was great but than ran into problems along the way.

Date: 2008-08-13 04:46 pm (UTC)
poisontaster: Screencap of Moana, leaning into the wind (Default)
From: [personal profile] poisontaster
Well, some of the time it was just that they got bored with him; they wanted someone prettier or younger or just different. You know? So that's what I was thinking with Bale (or whoever); they just wanted a new model.

Date: 2008-08-13 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kultiras.livejournal.com
I was trying to think of actors who just never seem to settle down, and my list ended up just being George Clooney.

*continues to ponder*

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