Jan. 12th, 2008

More of the genderswitch/swap/fuck...whatever. In theory, this happens IMMEDIATELY after the first, disasterous attempt at fucking.

I'm very iffy about this. I don't know if it's too soon, I don't know if the Dean from the previous scene would be able to relax to this degree. I'm not sure about the tension and pacing. I'm worried that it's coming off as too non-con. I'm worried about the transiton from oral to fucking. I don't know if the scene break works, giving me the reset to have that transition more smoothly or whether it just breaks the tension too much and I should stay in Sam's POV the whole time. I don't know if it makes sense for Sam. Clearly, I just don't know.

I think...I think there's something here about Sam and how, despite his best intentions, some of his perception of Dean DOES shift because he looks at him and sees a woman. And how the reality of his viewpoint alters the emotional viewpoint, bringing out this even more tangible desire to protect. To be chivalrous. And, to some extent, because Sam is allowed to have internalized skanky issues like the rest of us, how much that chivalry lends itself to a certain amount of chauvinism. I see Sam as kind of...controlling here. And I don't think it crosses the line. I hope not, anyway, but at the same time, i think Sam does have this incompletely hidden need to assert some control over the situation and it translates itself to having a certain measure of control over Dean. I think there's a lot of alpha male possessiveness coming to the fore because it's not just women looking at Dean, which are less competition, it's guys. And they're not being particularly respectful or subtle about it and in that respect, Dean was always SAM'S. And he can see Dean feeling vulnerable and frustrated and uncomfortable, but he can't change the nature of mankind. All he can do is offer the typical protection of 'This woman is marked, this woman is taken", like dogs pissing on a hydrant.

I also, if I stick with Dean's POV in the second half, want to play up more how he doesn't like it and he does. It's pleasurable but at the same time, he feels a kind of guilt about it. These aren't his parts, he's not supposed to be feeling pleasure with them (and beneath that, a subconscious layer of IF I feel pleasure with these girl parts, I may never get my boy parts back) and yet, he very much IS feeling pleasure. And there's a dirtiness to it that I want to express more fully. It feels wrong and weird...but it's also the wrong and weird that's getting him off.


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thecatevari

August 2009

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